Said/Meant: Jason Varitek Returns to Sox

Jason Varitek yesterday exercised his player option, meaning the Boston Red Sox will retain his services for $3 million. The Red Sox had previously declined a $5 million team option on the aging catcher, who batted .209 with 14 home runs and 51 RBI last season. His $3 million is before incentives based on games started.

When reached for comment, Theo Epstein had this to say about the veteran catcher.

WHAT HE SAID: "We're happy to have Jason come back and we look forward to a good year from him in 2010."

WHAT HE MEANT: "Oh Jesus. He picked up the option, didn't he? Damnit. The last thing I wanna do is pay $3 million for a backup catcher. He batted .209 last year? Don Orsillo could do that. This is atrocious."

WHAT HE SAID: "He means a lot to the organization on and off the field."

WHAT HE MEANT: "He means a lot to the organization when he's as far away from the playing field as possible. When he's not out there on the field, it helps the team out a lot because it means we have someone in there who knows what the hell they are doing."

WHAT HE SAID: "He helps solidify our catching position also..."

WHAT HE MEANT: "Like, if you were to grade catchers on a 1-10 scale, and Victor Martinez is an 8, then between the two of them, they score about 8 points. So yeah, the position is pretty solid."

WHAT HE SAID: "...and he is a big asset to our pitching staff."

WHAT HE MEANT: "...except when guys get on base, and then he is almost useless. You ever see him try to throw somebody out? It's like watching old people pull into parking spaces. You're sort of mesmerized by how awful and slow it is."

Epstein was asked about the negotiations between the organization and Varitek's agent, Scott Boras, regarding additional incentives in this year's contract.

WHAT HE SAID: "I'd rather not get into that."

WHAT HE MEANT: "Boras made a very strong case for additional incentives for Jason. But then I reminded Scott that his client is absolutely terrible. That was pretty much the end of the conversation."