Each Coast Bias

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2010-06-04T13:03:00.002-04:00

2010 Player Rosters and Salaries

2010-03-29T14:14:00.001-04:00

VAN TASSEL

*OF Julio Borbon, 1

**SP Roy Halladay, 24

*SP Tommy Hanson, 7

*OF Jason Heyward, 1

*2B Aaron Hill, 3

**SS Derek Jeter, 25

**SP Cliff Lee, 8

*OF Andrew McCutchen, 1

*1B/3B Mark Reynolds, 7

Kevin Youkilis, 27

C.C. Sabathia, 32

Mariano Rivera, 24

Miguel Montero, 17

Rafael Soriano, 14

Max Scherzer, 12

David Aardsma, 17

Asdrubal Cabrera, 11

Jeff Niemann, 5

Drew Stubbs, 12

Yadier Molina, 8

Orlando Hudson, 6

Johnny Cueto, 6

Juan Rivera, 1

Michael Wurtz, 3

Randy Wolf, 5

Penalty/Salary Lost: 0

Total: 277

SHAGGY

*SS Cristian Guzman, 3

**SP Rich Harden, 8

*RP Trevor Hoffman, 6

*OF Adam Jones, 5

*OF Adam Lind, 5

*C/1B Victor Martinez, 16

*SP Kevin Millwood, 2

*OF Ichiro Suzuki, 24

Prince Fielder, 36

Stephen Strasburg, 13

Cole Hamels, 22

Jake Peavy, 26

Martin Prado, 16

Matt Cain, 28

Carlos Beltran, 14

Adrian Beltre, 14

Brian Fuentes, 14

Mike Napoli, 10

Chad Qualls, 10

Rafael Furcal, 7

Jorge Cantu, 7

Troy Glaus, 3

Ben Sheets, 7

Freddy Sanchez, 1

Chris Perez, 8

Penalty/Salary Lost: 0

Total: 305

DAVE

*SP Mark Buehrle, 8

*OF Michael Cuddyer, 3

*SS Yunel Escobar, 8

*SP Gavin Floyd, 3

*SP Jair Jurrjens, 8

**1B James Loney, 11

*SS Ryan Theriot, 5

*3B Michael Young, 17

Chase Utley, 44

Miguel Cabrera, 35

Jon Lester, 33

Jonathan Papelbon, 28

Hunter Pence, 20

Jorge Posada, 8

Ryan Doumit, 5

Jose Valverde, 14

Clay Buchholz, 9

Jorge De La Rosa, 9

Garrett Jones, 1

Ted Lilly, 2

John Baker, 4

Luke Gregerson, 4

Fernando Rodney, 2

Corey Hart, 3

Casey McGehee, 7

Penalty/Salary Lost: 13

Total: 304

MIKE

**OF Jay Bruce, 1

**OF Matt Kemp, 15

*SP Clayton Kershaw, 11

*SP Rick Porcello, 3

**C Joe Mauer, 25

**SP David Price, 5

*SP Adam Wainwright, 14

*SP Jered Weaver, 11

*3B Ryan Zimmerman, 14

Torii Hunter, 13

Curtis Granderson, 20

Matt Holliday, 31

Mark Teixeira, 34

Troy Tulowitzki, 38

Javier Vazquez, 16

Brandon Phillips, 27

A.J. Burnett, 11

Marco Scutaro, 5

Joba Chamberlain, 2

Fausto Carmona, 5

Jason Frasor, 5

Cody Ross, 1

Takashi Saito, 1

Mark DeRosa, 1

Trevor Cahill, 3

Penalty/Salary Lost: 0

Total: 312

BILLY

*1B Adam Dunn, 15

*OF Brad Hawpe, 8

**C Chris Iannetta, 6

*3B Chipper Jones, 18

*1B Adam LaRoche, 3

*OF Ryan Ludwick, 9

*RP Hideki Okajima, 1

**SP Joe Saunders, 9

A.J. Pierzynski, 4

Zack Greinke, 35

Manny Ramirez, 22

Ben Zobrist, 25

Dan Uggla, 17

Frank Francisco, 13

Derrek Lee, 15

Brian Wilson, 15

James Shields, 16

Carlos Zambrano, 9

Bobby Jenks, 14

John Danks, 8

Scott Kazmir, 9

Aaron Harang, 6

Erik Bedard, 4

Kerry Wood, 6

Mike Cameron, 1

Penalty/Salary Lost: 0

Total: 288

PINGREE

*SP Chris Carpenter, 11

*OF Andre Ethier, 15

**3B Alex Gordon, 14

**1B Todd Helton, 8

*RP Francisco Rodriguez, 25

*RP Huston Street, 10

*SS Miguel Tejada, 9

Shane Victorino, 17

Justin Morneau, 28

Johan Santana, 21

Russell Martin, 16

Matt Garza, 10

Howie Kendrick, 10

John Lackey, 19

Alex Rios, 10

Jhonny Peralta, 5

Kelly Johnson, 2

Phil Hughes, 7

Alfonso Soriano, 14

Octavio Dotel, 4

Nyjer Morgan, 8

J.J. Hardy, 5

Hiroki Kuroda, 6

Ken Griffey Jr., 5

Carl Pavano, 1

Penalty/Salary Lost: 0

Total: 280

STEVE

*SP Josh Beckett, 21

*SP Kris Medlen, 1

**OF Carlos Quentin, 8

*C Matt Weiters, 15

David Wright, 40

Dustin Pedroia, 37

Jason Bay, 21

Stephen Drew, 20

B.J. Upton, 22

Lance Berkman, 20

Scott Baker, 9

Roy Oswalt, 13

Ryan Franklin, 10

J.A. Happ, 10

Johnny Damon, 5

Mat Latos, 4

Brandon Lyon, 5

Chris Young (SD), 6

Travis Hafner, 3

J.D. Drew, 1

Aroldis Chapman, 7

Miguel Olivo, 4

Scott Sizemore, 5

Justin Smoak, 3

Matt Lindstrom, 2

Penalty/Salary Lost: 0

Total: 292

KEITH

*SS Elvis Andrus, 8

*SS Jason Bartlett, 4

*1B Billy Butler, 2

*OF Dexter Fowler, 3

*SP Felix Hernandez, 19

**3B Evan Longoria, 10

*OF Justin Upton, 12

*RP Joakim Soria, 17

*OF Denard Span, 4

Ryan Howard, 38

Tim Lincecum, 43

Ian Kinsler, 32

Ubaldo Jimenez, 19

Aramis Ramirez, 13

Brandon Webb, 18

Billy Wagner, 13

Bengie Molina, 8

Carlos Pena, 13

Brad Lidge, 8

Kevin Slowey, 8

Chris Coghlan, 5

Justin Masterson, 3

Matt Thornton, 3

Brandon Morrow, 1

Ian Desmond, 3

Penalty/Salary Lost: 0

Total: 286

JJ

*RP Andrew Bailey, 5

*RP Neftali Feliz, 2

*OF Carlos Gonzalez, 2

**OF Josh Hamilton, 9

*OF Jason Kubel, 3

*OF Shin Soo-Choo, 5

*C Kurt Suzuki, 2

*SP Justin Verlander, 13

**1B Joey Votto, 7

Gordon Beckham, 20

Yovani Gallardo, 25

Brian Roberts, 20

Jose Reyes, 27

Dan Haren, 26

Carlos Lee, 20

Chone Figgins, 15

Chad Billingsley, 16

Francisco Liriano, 11

Erick Aybar, 2

Rickie Weeks, 10

Wade Davis, 8

Mike Gonzalez, 6

Buster Posey, 13

Jon Rauch, 3

Kevin Gregg, 7

Penalty/Salary Lost: 0

Total: 277

DUGAN

*SP Brett Anderson, 6

**RP Heath Bell, 3

*RP Jonathan Broxton, 15

*OF Carl Crawford, 25

*OF Jacoby Ellsbury, 20

*SP Josh Johnson, 9

**C Brian McCann, 18

*1B Kendry Morales, 1

*OF Jayson Werth, 9

Jimmy Rollins, 22

Adrian Gonzalez, 31

Robinson Cano, 27

Ricky Nolasco, 13

Tim Hudson, 6

Placido Polanco, 6

Raul Ibanez, 15

Brian Matusz, 11

Vladimir Guerrero, 9

Conor Jackson, 1

Carlos Santana, 1

Ryan Rowland-Smith, 1

Clint Barmes, 1

David Freese, 1

Austin Jackson, 1

Jonathan Sanchez, 1

Penalty/Salary Lost: 0

Total: 253

MICHIENZI

**RP Francisco Cordero, 19

*OF Nelson Cruz, 13
**1B Chris Davis, 6

*SP Ryan Dempster, 12

*SP Edwin Jackson, 1

*2B Jose Lopez, 7

*SP Paul Maholm, 7

*RP Carlos Marmol, 15

*C Geovanny Soto, 12

Nick Markakis, 23

Alcides Escobar, 12

Ian Stewart, 15

J.P. Howell, 7

Daisuke Matsuzaka, 10

Nate McLouth, 11

Matt Capps, 9

Leo Nunez, 9

Paul Konerko, 4

Randy Wells, 2

Brett Wallace, 5

Kaz Matsui, 1

Vernon Wells, 6

David Ortiz, 13

Homer Bailey, 6

Colby Rasmus, 3

Penalty/Salary Lost: 0

Total: 228

DERICK

*SP Bronson Arroyo, 1

**2B/SS Alexei Ramirez, 7

*SP Wandy Rodriguez, 6

*1B/3B Pablo Sandoval, 13

Hanley Ramirez, 46

Albert Pujols, 48

Alex Rodriguez, 45

Ryan Braun, 40

Grady Sizemore, 25

Bobby Abreu, 17

Michael Bourn, 9

Joe Blanton, 4

Derek Lowe, 6

Nolan Reimold, 8

Brett Gardner, 1

Juan Pierre, 3

Rajai Davis, 5

Clint Barmes, 1

Ervin Santana, 1

Brad Penny, 1

Chris Volstad, 1

Daniel Bard, 8

Kyle Banks, 1

Matt Guerrier, 1

Penalty/Salary Lost: 0

Total: 298

In which we fawn over Brady's toughness, FJM-style

2010-01-06T13:53:00.004-05:00

For those who aren't aware, the popular blog FireJoeMorgan popularized the blog style in which the author's work is pored over meticulously to point out any and all shortcomings. It is a brilliant method, and one that I will steal from liberally here with a post from NESN.com titled "Brady Named AP Comeback Player of the Year", link here, or as I like to call it, "Oh-Em-Eff-Gee, Brady is so gosh darn cute."

When you're one of the best quarterbacks of all time and you're lying in a heap on the field with torn knee ligaments,

and there's nobody there to hold your hand and kiss your forehead and tell you everything's going to be okay,

your comeback is going to be anticipated throughout the football world.

Unless you're a fan of the other 31 teams in the league, in which your reaction was a moment of shock, followed by a snicker and a shrug before you continue watching the other teams in the league (no seriously, they exist!).

For Tom Brady, it was, and the quarterback did not disappoint.

You know, if you don't count the significantly decreased stats, the lack of continuity of the offense all season long and the 10-6 record compared to the 16-0 record the last time he played a full season.

Brady was voted the AP Comeback Player of the Year, receiving 19 votes from a panel of 50 sportswriters

A bunch of Chowdaheads, no doubt.

around the country.

Oh. Sorry. Carry on.

He beat out Carnell Williams of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who received 14 votes.

Does he get a Cadillac for winning this stupid award?

Brady, who played just over seven minutes last season,

Known to Pats fans as "the only seven minutes that mattered in the 2008 NFL season."

turned in one of the best seasons of his career, yet he did so with relatively little fanfare.

Tom Brady can't even sneeze with relatively little fanfare. A quick Google search turns up more than 4,190,000 results for Brady. By contrast, a search for Peyton Manning turns up less than three million. Analysts pored over every little thing Brady did this season. They watched his surgically repaired knee like a hawk. If he so much as stepped forward with hesitation, they pounced. That's not "relatively little fanfare."

That's partly due to the 50-touchdown season he completed in 2007, which was the best in NFL history.

In case you had forgotten. Remember when Tom Brady was the best in NFL history? Yeah. That was nice.

This season, despite battling shoulder, rib and finger injuries,

all of which caused him to miss exactly zero minutes of playing time,

Brady posted his second-highest career stats in completion percentage (65.7), yards (4,398) and touchdowns (28).

Brady also had his second-best year in chin-dimplage.

Despite the success, Brady showed plenty of rust. That, combined with ribs that have been reportedly cracked all season,

"OW-AH QUATAHBACK IS MOHR-TAL! FACKIN A!"

resulted in some uncharacteristic mistakes. He threw an interception in the end zone in Miami in a game that the Dolphins ultimately won by a point, and he threw a pick that essentially sealed a Texans victory in Week 17.

In a game that they didn't need to win, in a game where Brady shouldn't have been playing, in a game where Brady's go-to receiver shredded the ligaments in his knee because he was playing in the first place. But continue.

However, despite the bad, there was more than enough good. For starters, he led the Patriots to a 10-6 record and a trip to the postseason -- something last year's 11-5 squad couldn't do.

Yes, that's exactly it. Matt Cassel can't lead the Patriots to the playoffs because he's not Tom Brady. That's how great Brady is. He can win the division with a lesser record! It's Brady Magic!

He also set the NFL record for most touchdown passes in a quarter when he threw five in the second quarter against the Titans. In that game, he threw for 380 yards and six touchdowns. He also had a career day at home against the Jacksonville Jaguars in Week 16, when he threw more touchdowns than incompletions. He finished that game 23-of-26 (88 percent) for 267 yards and four touchdowns.

Neither of these teams made the playoffs. In fact, Tennessee was winless at the time. But good to see Belichick and company can dust off the "Eff You" game every once in a while and run up the score for good measure.

Brady spoke this fall about how the season-ending injury in 2008, while incredibly disappointing, was good for him in that it helped him appreciate the opportunity he has to play the game.

"It's a very physical sport, football is," Brady said, according to the AP.

He's dreamy AND insightful? Oh Gisele you sly fox you, you always catch the good ones.

"I had an unfortunate injury, but I think it's really helped me grow in a lot of ways as a person, as a player, as a teammate.

"Before the injury, I used to hurl throwing stars at my teammates if they blew an assignment. But now, I've learned to to be kindler and gentler, so I throw paring knives instead."

It really reinforces how much I enjoy playing the game and how much I love the game. And to have the chance to go out this year and play, it's great."

Williams played just 10 games combined in the previous two seasons, suffering from torn patellar tendons in each of his knees.

But his knees worked, and Brady's knee didn't. SUCK IT UP, PANSY. Maybe you should work on being a little more dreamy. It's a very physical sport, football is.

This year, he played in all 16 games, compiling 821 yards (3.9 YPC) and four touchdowns on the ground while catching 29 passes for 219 yards and another three touchdowns.

And those terrible stats were still enough for 14 votes. That should tell you everything you need to know about this award.

Other players who received votes included Titans quarterback Vince Young,

Last year's injury report: Out (Insanity)

Vikings quarterback Brett Favre,

Who played the entire season last year, then retired for the second time, then un-retired for the second time. The guy has the all-time record of 285 consecutive starts, dating to 1992, and it's an ACTIVE STREAK, and he got votes for Comeback Player of the Year. Wow.

Bengals running back Cedric Benson, Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer and Saints defensive end Anthony Hargrove.

It was hard to compete with Brady, though, as the 32-year-old is one of the biggest stars in the league.

And he's so much more handsome!

On Sunday, he'll take to the field hoping to begin a run that will end with bringing the Patriots back to the game's biggest stage.

And if he somehow leads this decidedly average squad back to the Super Bowl, then THAT will be a comeback.

Leading up to Week 15 (NFC)

2009-12-17T15:04:00.002-05:00

Moving on to the NFC, and it's getting interesting. Just when you think one team is ready to challenge to be top dog, they falter. Let's take a look at the teams still in it...

PHILADELPHIA (9-4): A team winning the games that matter. Consider what this team has endured this year - an injury to its star QB, its top running back and two of its top receivers. Plenty of potential distractions, and a mid-season WTF moment in a loss against Oakland. And here they are at the top of a brutal division. They've lost to New Orleans (like everyone else), Dallas and San Diego. Two of those teams are almost assuredly going to have first-round byes. Another is probably a playoff team. Their defense isn't great right now - you can throw on Sheldon Brown. The rest of the schedule isn't a cake-walk, but they're better than all three remaining opponents. Win when it counts, and this is a team to be feared in the postseason.

DALLAS (8-5): My friend the Cowboys fan is imploring us not to use the D word. As in December. At this point, their late-season losses are in their heads. And the tough schedule isn't helping. They'll need to show some signs of life against New Orleans on Saturday or nothing is taken for granted, not even that playoff spot that seemed like such a sure sign. One thing's for sure - they're not the dominant team they looked to be at 8-3, and their inability to beat really good teams isn't going to give anyone any faith in them come playoff time anyway. If they miss the postseason, Wade Phillips is out as head coach.

NY GIANTS (7-6): 2-6 in their last eight and not inspiring much confidence. But the game against the Eagles on Sunday showed they still have some fight left. Still, winnable games in the next two - against Carolina and Washington - could prove to be their saving grace. Win those and set up a must-win situation against a Minnesota team that might not have anything to play for? This team's not out of it yet, especially with Dallas swooning.

MINNESOTA (11-2): Just when you thought they were in trouble, they play like gangbusters against Cincy. All three of the remaining games are winnable, but this team desperately wants to rest for the postseason. As predicted two weeks ago, Minnesota might be in for a rough patch if Favre - the all-time INT leader - starts throwing picks. He's started to regress down that path, so keep an eye out for his accuracy down the stretch, especially without safety valve Percy Harvin. And watch to see if defenses try to attack the void left at linebacker.

GREEN BAY (9-4): They just keep rolling. At this point, Green Bay's biggest weakness is the same as Dallas - they can't beat the elite teams. Three pesky teams remain against Pittsburgh, Seattle and a perplexing Arizona squad, but winning two should be enough for the Packers to cruise into the playoffs.

NEW ORLEANS (13-0): They're going for perfection, according to head coach Sean Payton. But here's one reason for pause with this team - they play their best football when the spotlight shines brightly on them. Look at the way this team plays when the spotlight isn't on them - three sluggish wins in five weeks against a beat-up Atlanta team, a bad Washington team and a terrible Rams team. Put it this way - if the game against Dallas was on Sunday at 1 p.m., I think the Cowboys win. But it's Saturday night at 8, so I think New Orleans has it locked down. That might be troublesome later on.

ARIZONA (8-5): Blow out the high-flying Vikings one week, drop seven turnovers against a lowly 49ers team the next. It's going to be that kind of season again for the Cardinals. Will the injury to Larry Fitzgerald make a major impact? One thing's for certain - if last week told us anything, it's that Arizona's rushing attack is shoddy at best. The problem is, when it really comes down to it, do you WANT to invite this team to throw the ball?

Division Winners: Philadelphia, Minnesota*, New Orleans*, Arizona (*-Bye)

Wild Card Winners: Dallas, Green Bay

No changes on the NFC front. Philly and Dallas play in Week 17, and the way things are shaping up, it looks like they could well play again in the first round of the playoffs. That's going to be very, very interesting. Dallas has beaten Philly once this year, but the two teams have been moving in different directions ever since. The question remains - can any of those four teams beat Minnesota or New Orleans? The answer two weeks ago was a resounding no, but we're starting to see some cracks in the armor of those two juggernauts. This race is far from over. But at the end of the day, with the road to the Super Bowl almost assuredly running directly through New Orleans - the toughest place to play in the league - any team will be hard-pressed to knock off the Saints this year.

Leading up to Week 15 (AFC)

2009-12-17T14:22:00.004-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about some football teams. We separated contenders from pretenders. We made some assumptions. And now it's time to take a second look.

Why'd this come about? Well, Pats fans were on a ledge. They'd just been blown out by New Orleans. They were declaring the season over. I wasn't so convinced, so I decided to take a look at the landscape to see who really had reason to hope for a successful January. Since then, we've learned a few things and we've seen some assumptions hold true, while others failed to hold water.

Here now, is the list of potential playoff teams, starting with the AFC:

NEW ENGLAND (8-5): Okay, here's the scoop. This team is disjointed, sure. They're not clicking on all cylinders, and there are a couple of reasons why. I think Bill Belichick expects this team to be the same squad that was multi-dimensional like in 2007. He wants every play to go for 12 yards. As a result, he's relying too heavily on the one play that is accomplishing that goal - 12-yard slants to Wes Welker. In his last four games he has 41 catches for 496 yards...and no touchdowns. The Patriots don't want to commit to a running back, can't seem to decide how to throw to Randy Moss (and are fine with him getting shut down by good corners) and won't test safety pressure. Their thought right now is that at least once in a four-down series, somebody will break a route, which is why they've gone for so many fourth-down conversions. They have this old, tired insistence that nobody can stop them. They are still a top-3 AFC team, but they need a slice of humble pie first. Still left are games at Buffalo, home against Jacksonville and at Houston. All three are winnable. But one slip-up and they could be looking at a very frustrating end to the season where I'm sure they'd much rather be resting and prepping for the playoffs.

MIAMI/NY JETS (7-6): Way to play yourself back into a postseason discussion. Neither of these teams is battle-hardened, making perfection - which is what each team will need to earn a playoff berth - unlikely. Miami faces Tennessee, Houston and Pittsburgh. All tough, physical teams that are on the outside looking in when it comes to the playoff picture. But to sweep those three would be a feat. If Chad Henne does it, it's time to start looking away from the Wildcat and start looking closer at Henne as a viable every-down starter. The Jets are beat up and face an impossibly tough schedule of Atlanta, Indianapolis and Cincinnati. They need a miracle, especially with Mark Sanchez as a big question mark.

CINCINNATI (9-4): Admit it - this is better than you expected this Bengals team to be. They've guaranteed a winning record and one win, combined with a Ravens loss, will clinch a playoff spot - and a No. 2 seed isn't out of the question. But - and this is a big but - they've looked vulnerable lately. They didn't put up much fight against a banged up Vikings squad, and they beat a few creampuff opponents in Cleveland and Detroit by less-than-impressive margins. The tragic death of teammate Chris Henry, coupled with a very difficult road game this week at San Diego - could set this team in one direction or the other. It either becomes a rallying point or it becomes a means to feel sorry for themselves. Regardless, there's a lot riding on this game this weekend, and it'll be tough for this team to focus. It will tell us a lot about just how good this Bengals team really is.

BALTIMORE (7-6): Fans of the Ravens will look back at a few choice outcomes this year and wonder what might have been. This 7-6 team suffered three consecutive losses of six, three and three points - all to very good teams - and just one of those games swinging their way gives them some added momentum and a stranglehold on a playoff berth. Fortunately for the Ravens, the schedule the rest of the way looks easy enough, provided they take care of business. Beat Pittsburgh on the road and this could easily be a playoff team. Lose that game and it's an early exit.

INDIANAPOLIS (13-0): Still the question remains - do they WANT to go undefeated? I continue to doubt it. But they've locked up a first round bye and once they've got home-field advantage throughout locked up, they'll rest people. Until then, they play two teams fighting for their playoff lives and then they have to go TO snowy Buffalo. If they "accidentally" lost one there, I wouldn't be surprised.

JACKSONVILLE (7-6): Home against Tennessee, then on the road against New England? The Pats haven't lost at home all year and they're not going to next week. Tennessee hasn't lost all year long and they're probably not going to this week. This team needs to win all three after that tough loss to Miami. They won't do that.

SAN DIEGO (10-3): In the driver's seat. They continue to beat good opponents and show the rest of the league they're ready for a battle. A win this week would give them a stranglehold on a first-round bye in the postseason, and I can't imagine them losing.

DENVER (8-5): That win streak early in the year has put Denver in a remarkably good position. The Broncos are a step ahead of four teams with wild card hopes, all standing at 7-6. Games against two divisional opponents (Oakland and Kansas City) will almost assuredly give them a wild card spot, leaving just one up for grabs for everyone else. But the big test lies with Philly in Week 16. Both teams have something to play for, both teams are likely playoff-bound, both teams have struggled with inconsistency. The winner of that game has proven its worth as a viable postseason opponent. The loser is facing a tough road. Watch that matchup.

Division Winners: New England, Cincinnati, Indianapolis*, San Diego* (*-Bye)

Wild Card Winners: Denver, Baltimore

The Steelers' late-season swoon gets them replaced, and Baltimore takes their place. First-round matchups look like they'd be the Bengals hosting Baltimore while New England earned a rematch against Denver, this time at home. It's still going to be very tough for any of those four teams to win in Indy or S.D. But if one of those teams starts really clicking on all cylinders, there is enough talent on any of those four rosters to knock off anyone in the league.

The Playoff Picture (NFC)

2009-12-03T15:47:00.006-05:00

Earlier I tackled some of the foreseeable scenarios in the AFC, and I neglected to mention one thing. The AFC is awesome. It is so ruthless and so competitive that there are good teams, 5-6 teams, that would probably be playoff-bound with an NFC schedule.

The NFC has two bigger, badder juggernauts and fewer teams that look even remotely ready to compete with the big dogs in the NFL. Let's take a look at those who have playoff aspirations...

First, eliminate Washington, Chicago, Detroit, Carolina, Tampa Bay, Seattle and St. Louis. We're not even getting rid of San Francisco (yet). That's how bad the NFC is in terms of overall depth.

DALLAS (8-3): I have a friend who's a Cowboys fan. He's a good enough guy, so I'll make this quick. Dallas has beaten one team of significance - my Eagles, in a game Philly handed away on a silver platter. They needed OT to beat the Chiefs and edged the lowly Redskins by one point in a game they should have easily lost. They're better than I thought they'd be this year. They'll almost certainly grab a playoff spot. But where that spot is will prove crucial to their postseason hopes. And their season-ending schedule is brutal - three of their final four are against bonafide playoff teams.

PHILADELPHIA (7-4): Ugh. Here are my Eagles, sitting not-so-pretty at 7-4. Here's the scoop. Three of their four losses came to good teams - New Orleans (without McNabb, but they still would have lost), Dallas (a winnable game) and San Diego. Then there was the Oakland debacle. Philly's good for two of those games every year - unfortunately, the latter usually comes in the NFC title game. When they're right, they are elite and nearly unbeatable. They've just yet to show that true dominance this year. All five of their season-ending games are winnable. To show they're the third-best team in the conference, they need to win all five.

NEW YORK GIANTS (6-5): A season lost, essentially, for the G-Men. In fairness, you would have had a tough time piecing together an easier schedule through five weeks. Once the games got tougher, you saw a Giants team that wasn't really ready for tough games. In a division more akin to a war zone, they'd really need to win out to earn a playoff spot - a scenario that seems unlikely given they'll see Philly, Dallas and Minnesota in their final five. Against a faltering Denver team on Thanksgiving, the Giants played like turkeys, and that may have been their undoing, especially with reports that Eli's foot is worse than expected.

MINNESOTA (10-1): Wow, this team is good. You have Adrian Peterson, fresh off his 109-MPH speeding ticket and his six fumbles already this year, still a hair better than Tennessee's Chris Johnson as the best RB in the league. You have Brett Favre, 40 and playing like he's 27. These receivers are outstanding (Bernard Berrian went from their No. 1 to their No. 3 in just a few weeks) and Percy Harvin is the league's Offensive ROY. Jared Allen might be the best pass-rusher in all of football. But...Favre has thrown only three picks this year. He averages 17 per season and is the all-time career INT leader. You have to think he's due for a few "ol' gunslinger" moments, and Vikings fans are admittedly biting their nails hoping that first meltdown comes before the playoffs and not during them.

GREEN BAY (7-4): For all the boo-hooing about the Packers this year, they're still in great position for a playoff spot. Much like Philly, three of their losses were to playoff teams, including two to Favre on a mission against his old squad. The Pack could have laid down, defeated, against Dallas after an embarrassing loss to Tampa Bay. Instead they thoroughly beat a good Dallas team and got back into it. Their year-end schedule is tough - games against Baltimore, Pittsburgh and Arizona, all teams fighting for playoff spots and positioning - but if Green Bay is to be taken seriously, they can prove it with some wins down the stretch.

NEW ORLEANS (11-0): Before the season began, I boldly pegged the Saints for 10 wins this year. They've already surpassed my expectations. Surprisingly, the only real difference from last season to this year is a much-improved defense, led by Darren Sharper. With a very impressive win over the Patriots, New Orleans has a serious chance to run the table, and unlike Indy, I think they want to do it. But this team isn't without its flaws. While the defense is much-improved, the Saints have given up 20 or more points seven times (and that number should be eight, if not for Belichick's perplexing propensity to go for it on fourth down on every other chance he gets). Only Atlanta and Dallas have records north of .500 for the Saints down the stretch. But the defense needs to shore it up or else face a humiliating defeat in the postseason.

ATLANTA (6-5): Frustration dots the landscape for the Falcons. While Matt Ryan was a capable QB this season, he certainly experienced a bit of a sophomore slump. Once the season is over, Atlanta may very well point to games against New Orleans, Carolina and especially a heartbreaker against the Giants in OT as the reason for why they missed the playoffs. A tough season-ending schedule awaits, especially with Ryan out this week against Philadelphia. From there it's one more against New Orleans and games against scrappy Jets, Bills and (gasp) Buccaneers teams (remember, Tampa Bay nearly beat Atlanta last week) that will offer few letups.

ARIZONA (7-4): We know from last season's historic run for Arizona that this season isn't over yet, and with Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin on either side of whoever is throwing the ball, opposing defenses certainly fear this matchup. That said, Arizona is 2-3 at home. That's a telltale sign that this team has a fatal flaw, especially since the Cardinals will likely win their division easily and have to play a first-round playoff game in Tempe. This weekend's game against Minnesota (in prime-time, no less) will be a good barometer. If AZ keeps it close (or ekes out a win) they're a team to be reckoned with. If they're blown out, don't expect much except a first-round flameout for the defending NFC champs.

SAN FRANCISCO (5-6): The 49ers making the postseason would be short of a miracle but it would be impressive nonetheless. A collapse by the Cardinals, paired with a big win over the Eagles, could hand them the division. The other three games for San Fran - against Seattle, St. Louis and Detroit - are very winnable games. This is a team that nearly beat Minnesota early and Indy more recently. San Francisco has suffered five of six losses in close games against pretty good teams (a 45-10 drubbing at the hands of the Falcons the notable exception). Perhaps this team is better than everyone thinks.

NFC Division Winners - Philadelphia, Minnesota*, New Orleans*, Arizona (*-Byes)

Wild Card Teams - Dallas, Green Bay

I realize that, as an Eagles fan, picking my team to win the NFC East makes me lose a little credibility. But I'm not discrediting Dallas; simply acknowledging their very tough schedule down the stretch. I'd hate to see them face the Cowboys in a first-round game. Unfortunately, it may not be up to me. Consider this - because the conference is so, well, so-so, those wild card games are going to be grudge matches. You can't pick those four teams apart right now. I don't see any of those teams having enough left in the tank at season's end to do true battle against the Vikings or Saints. That leaves the much-anticipated NFC Championship showdown we're all secretly hoping for. And - get this - they both play in domes. What a game that's going to be. I'm salivating now just thinking about it.

The Playoff Picture (AFC)

2009-12-03T11:09:00.004-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about the playoffs lately. For a few reasons. First, they're only five weeks away. Second, Bill Simmons tweeted earlier this week that "The Patriots are dead." Bull-you-know-what they're dead. They can't be dead. They're 7-4 and could well be 11-1 save for a few missed chances.

This got me to thinking. There are three NFL teams that look destined for Super Bowl XLIV. Unfortunately only two get to go. Then there are a bunch of teams who could well be there in just the right circumstances. And then there are a bunch of teams who are dressed up all pretty, but aren't going to have a date with that suave fellow named Destiny.

First, rule out Miami, the Jets, Buffalo, Cleveland, Kansas City and Oakland. Miami and New York would need to win out in order to be in contention and I just don't think that's happening, given their schedule and the other teams with similar or better records ahead of them.

Let's take a look at some of these teams, starting at the top of the standings and working our way down...

NEW ENGLAND (7-4): Lost a game at the Jets they should have won. Lost a game in Denver they should have won. Lost a game at Indy they should have won. Got blown out in New Orleans. With a more-or-less cupcake schedule the rest of the way, this team needs some Belichick-like discipline, especially on defense, and other than that, they're capable of beating anyone in the AFC. They have the talent to play with anyone. Plus they'll host a playoff game no matter what.

CINCINNATI (8-3): Love to see them back in the thick of it. Barring a collapse they've locked up the division. But here's where it gets interesting. Games in week 14 and 15 will essentially decide whether they host a wild card game or earn a bye. But this is a team that has scored 30 or more points just twice. They're a win-ugly squad that relies on defense. That's great, until they have to play Minnesota and San Diego. Those games will tell us if Cincy is for real. Sadly, I doubt they are.

BALTIMORE/PITTSBURGH (6-5): One and only one of these teams even has a shot at the postseason, especially after Baltimore's OT win last week. It's telling that they've lost three games by less than 7 points. This team is searching for offensive production at a time where they need to be firing on all cylinders. Pittsburgh's troubles can be attributed to injuries. The Week 16 battle between these two will decide which one gets in. I'd put my money on the Steelers - easier schedule to close the season, better team when healthy, and much more experienced under pressure.

INDIANAPOLIS (11-0): I doubt they'll go undefeated, mostly because I doubt they WANT to go undefeated. Look to this week's game against a HOT Titans team to potentially be their undoing. And that's fine with Peyton and company. They are not perfect; they showed flaws against New England and are lucky to have won that game. Still, Manning is playing great and this team seems to catch all the right breaks. Those are teams of destiny, and they shouldn't be overlooked. It's hard not to love this team right now.

JACKSONVILLE (6-5): Too inconsistent to really be taken seriously. Games against Houston, Miami, Indy and New England down the stretch have all but taken this team out of consideration. They can't win out, and they'll likely need to in order to lock up a wild card slot.

HOUSTON/TENNESSEE (5-6): Two teams with much higher expectations this season, and two teams heading in different directions right now. For Tennessee to even be on this list is a testament to their outstanding play of late. If they beat Indy this weekend, yes, put them back in the playoff discussion. But one more game lingers - Christmas day against San Diego. For Houston, a three-game losing streak (all against division opponents) has hurt their chances significantly. Their saving grace - should they win out - might be catching a Patriots team in Week 17 that could be resting their starters. The rest of the schedule should be easy enough if they play better than they have recently.

SAN DIEGO (8-3): They've won big lately, and not against cupcakes - victories over the Giants, the Eagles and the Broncos in consecutive weeks showed this team is ready to compete. But we'll learn more when they face back-to-back tough tests against Dallas, Cincy and Tennessee after this week. Those are three hot teams with the postseason on their minds. If San Diego wins all of those games, I think they'll be ready for a deep run. Otherwise, I'm still not sold.

DENVER (7-4): After a red-hot start, the Broncos finally crashed back to earth. They're not much of a threat for any serious playoff-bound team. But as the rest of the AFC has fallen around them, they're still in the hunt. They'll win two of their next three in all likelihood, putting them at 9-5 (if they don't, they're in big trouble). A game against Philly in Week 16 will be big - win it and they'll make the playoffs. Lose it and it may not be enough.

Division Winners - New England, Cincinnati, Indianapolis*, San Diego* (*-Bye)

Wild Card Picks - Denver, Pittsburgh

Consider this - If all of these teams win the games they're supposed to, you could very well see a rematch between Denver and New England - in Foxboro - and a Bengals-Steelers rematch in Cincy that would be the third meeting between the two teams. If Pittsburgh is healthy (and that's a big "if"), I'm not sure the Bengals beat them three times in a row. That means Pittsburgh, the lower seed, would travel to Indy while New England headed for San Diego, a place where they've enjoyed playoff success in the past. I doubt Pitt beats Indy at home, which means there are three teams in the AFC that are really capable of representing the conference in the Super Bowl, and I'm not ready to rule any of the three out just yet.

Coming later: My NFC breakdown...

Gambling vs. Drinking

2009-11-20T14:02:00.003-05:00

Once upon a time, I used to frequent a college on the shores of Rhode Island's East Bay. I spent a sizable chunk of time at this particular university. I attended classes (sometimes) and joined a few spirited endeavors such as the cross country team and the student newspaper. I made some friends, broke some hearts, played home run derby and golfed with a tennis ball - at midnight so I wouldn't get caught.

Those things were all wonderful. But the main reason I went to college was to drink a ton of beers.

I drank a LOT of beers. Sometimes I drank small beers and sometimes I drank tall beers. Sometimes I drank cold beers and sometimes I drank warm beers. Sometimes I poured my beer into Solo cups and sometimes I drank my beer straight from the bottle or can. Sometimes I just drank my beer and sat around, and sometimes I played games that involved the consumption of more beer. Sometimes I had beers on Saturday nights and sometimes I had beers on Tuesday mornings. Sometimes I taped beers to my hands, which is another story entirely. Sometimes I drank expensive beers and sometimes I drank cheap beers and sometimes I drank things that weren't beers at all.

This is not uncommon. Many people go to college and drink beers. Yet as time passes, these things fade. I still enjoy beers, as anyone who knows me would tell you. But I do not drink nearly the quantity of beers that I used to. I rarely drink cheap beers, I don't often play drinking games and I almost never tape them to my hands anymore. But every once in a while I will drink a lot of beers and will develop what the french call "Le Hangoveur" which is a signal your body sends you to say "hey listen, ya jerk - either keep drinking beers or stop drinking so many at once." And since it is rarely socially acceptable to drink beers at my desk, I simply accept my pounding headache and admit defeat.

Recently, I came to a realization. It happened following Week 10 of the NFL season. I had placed a significant bet - in fact my greatest wager to date - on the Denver Broncos. The fightin' Kyle Ortons lost their fearless leader, Chris Simms took over, and the Broncos lost this contest to the Washington Redskins. This, culminated with a few other unfortunate wagering mishaps, rendered me at a loss of more than 90 dollars over the course of my betting weekend. When my boss emailed me to ask how I was feeling after the tough weekend, I responded with a simple answer. "I'm never gambling again."

Sounds familiar, doesn't it? How many times had I said to myself or others on a particularly bad Sunday morning, "I'm never drinking again"? Thus the realization. For me, gambling is now what drinking was for me in college. Consider the parallels...

*Both can cause very unhealthy addictions, but are completely reasonable in moderation.

*Both have been the source of controversial damning by the government.

*Do either a little too much, and you can really regret it later...

*...but every once in a while, you can go a little overboard and it all seems to work out just fine.

*Both have the potential to be unpredictable and curious.

*You can always find something of either to suit your particular taste.

Every Sunday, I sit down with a pen and paper, open a few websites, turn on the TV and do a little research. I scan headlines for interesting tidbits, I look at attractive lines, I place a few (very) small wagers and then I sit back and watch it all unfold. Sometimes I'll pass an opportunity by, and sometimes I'll regret it and wish I had jumped on board. The same goes for drinking. Ever pass on a party that ended up being great? Very similar.

The key with both is moderation. You can consume alcohol in moderation, even if you occasionally have a few too many, provided you are not dependent on it. You should never feel like you HAVE to drink, right? Same with gambling. You can place some bets on Sunday and even if you get a little carried away, you will be fine as long as you aren't dependent on the action. You should never feel like you HAVE to place a bet.

Drinking and gambling. Their parallels are striking. And both make me so very happy.

Said/Meant: Jason Varitek Returns to Sox

2009-11-12T12:50:00.002-05:00

Jason Varitek yesterday exercised his player option, meaning the Boston Red Sox will retain his services for $3 million. The Red Sox had previously declined a $5 million team option on the aging catcher, who batted .209 with 14 home runs and 51 RBI last season. His $3 million is before incentives based on games started.

When reached for comment, Theo Epstein had this to say about the veteran catcher.

WHAT HE SAID: "We're happy to have Jason come back and we look forward to a good year from him in 2010."

WHAT HE MEANT: "Oh Jesus. He picked up the option, didn't he? Damnit. The last thing I wanna do is pay $3 million for a backup catcher. He batted .209 last year? Don Orsillo could do that. This is atrocious."

WHAT HE SAID: "He means a lot to the organization on and off the field."

WHAT HE MEANT: "He means a lot to the organization when he's as far away from the playing field as possible. When he's not out there on the field, it helps the team out a lot because it means we have someone in there who knows what the hell they are doing."

WHAT HE SAID: "He helps solidify our catching position also..."

WHAT HE MEANT: "Like, if you were to grade catchers on a 1-10 scale, and Victor Martinez is an 8, then between the two of them, they score about 8 points. So yeah, the position is pretty solid."

WHAT HE SAID: "...and he is a big asset to our pitching staff."

WHAT HE MEANT: "...except when guys get on base, and then he is almost useless. You ever see him try to throw somebody out? It's like watching old people pull into parking spaces. You're sort of mesmerized by how awful and slow it is."

Epstein was asked about the negotiations between the organization and Varitek's agent, Scott Boras, regarding additional incentives in this year's contract.

WHAT HE SAID: "I'd rather not get into that."

WHAT HE MEANT: "Boras made a very strong case for additional incentives for Jason. But then I reminded Scott that his client is absolutely terrible. That was pretty much the end of the conversation."

Veteran's Day

2009-11-11T12:24:00.003-05:00

Truth be told, I never spent much time thinking about Veteran's Day.

I understood it, certainly. I'm not opposed to Veteran's Day. I'm not sure how one could be opposed to a day celebrating those who fought for us. But maybe it's that it's become so clichéd.

"Bless our troops." Of course.

"Never forget." I wouldn't.

"Keep our troops safe." In any language, yes.

But maybe it's the language, the meaning, the repetition. The troops who fought for us, who sacrificed for us, who gave their lives, each and every clichéd phrase lessening the impact of the true meaning over and over again. Maybe it's that we've run out of ways to say it. I love my country. I just don't feel compelled to say it.

For that reason, when conservatives make this their rallying cry, when Sarah Palin steps between a microphone and an American flag and decries the media and tells us to remember the troops, it's hard not to roll my eyes. Her insinuation that I, as a moderate liberal, don't support my country and the brave soldiers who dare venture where I do not...it angers me.

That said, I admit I am guilty of not fully understanding the heroism of our soldiers. That changed, it only for a moment, when I read this tale of a soldier as he found he was being shipped off to fight. Soldiers do not like to tell these tales. They speak often of brotherhood, of their lighter moments. They uphold that which is most important to them - "Duty, Honor, Country." Sometimes it's tough to fully grasp what they endure. This story shed some light on that, and for that I was eternally grateful. This did not preach to me, did not lie to me, did not speak down to me as if I did not fully understand. It was honest and it was real and it was terrifying. And I appreciated that.

Today, salute an American flag and bless our troops and pray that they come home safe, of course. And any other clichéd phrases you can think of, add those too. But once the day is over and our praises have been sung, remember that war is real, and it is scary, and we may childishly bicker over whether or not we should be involved, argue over troop deployments and war and peace and occupation as a necessity, argue for or against the spreading of Democracy or the refusal to intervene unless our national interests are at stake. But keep in mind that it's real flesh and blood we send into the trenches. It's real men and women who have families and children, who grew up wanting to wear the fatigues, or are simply trying to ride out their service time while praying for the G.I. bill so they can go to college. They have moms and dads, aunts and uncles, friends and acquaintances, who hold their breath every day. They go where we often dare not, sometimes because they want to and sometimes because they have to. That's a sentiment worthy of remembering to "Never Forget."

Sub-Par Slaw

2009-11-10T15:08:00.002-05:00

I'm engaged in a heated argument over the most frustrating things in life.

The girl thinks it's buying a new car. I say screw that. Buying a new car isn't even close. It would not make my top five. When you are in the process of buying a car, you know EXACTLY what is going to happen. You're going to search for the right car, realize you can't afford the one you want, spend some time settling and deciding what's important, realizing you can't afford that either, and then ultimately deciding on whatever P.O.S. the salesman (or woman!) decides to sucker you into purchasing. But the end result is you've GOT A NEW FREAKING CAR! HOORAY! Is there anything more badass than showing off your brand new car for weeks? Tell me this - is there any feeling more satisfying as the owner of a new car than when you're walking out of a building to your car with someone who hasn't seen your new car, and they literally have no idea where you're going? They're wandering around the lot, like a game of god-damn chess, wondering what car you're finally gonna stop at, because they were looking for your old silver hatchback but damned if you haven't traded it in for a new one and they totally forgot! They're at your mercy, you hold all the power! And then you might get out your automatic locks, but you know you're gonna linger there for a minute, they're gonna perk up and go "oh ok, automatic locks, wait for it, lights will flash any...second...now..."and you just kind of wait there, antagonizing them because you hold all the power. It's the BEST. And at the end of the day, you know what you're getting into. Your car will depreciate in value, and nobody's even remotely concerned about this anymore. Things will break, and it's almost like a not-much-fun game of "when's my car gonna die" for the next 10 years. It's a money pit, but it's a necessity.

Old friend and former blogger James J thinks that women are the most frustrating thing about life. Absolutely not. Women are mind-blowingly insane, but they have redeeming qualities. And you know exactly what you're getting yourself into. It's not your fault you keep falling for the same tricks. Women are going to make you happy one minute and they'll make you seriously, seriously think about murdering someone in cold blood the next minute. Women's antics are mind-numbing, but if they all vanished, admit it - you'd be freaking pissed off.

You know what the most frustrating thing in the world is? Bad cole slaw. Cole slaw is a mind-fuck. You see it on a menu and immediately thoughts just start flying through your mind. Ooo slaw, I love slaw, I wonder if it's any good. You think this place has good slaw? I don't want to get stuck with bad slaw. What's the rest of their food like? Is that even remotely a good indicator for how their slaw is gonna be? I don't even remember where I got the last good slaw. Slaw is agonizing. You wanna ask for a taste. Maybe you won't like their slaw. But this isn't a fine wine. This is slaw. It's a side. It shouldn't be this damned important. But it is. IT IS THIS IMPORTANT!

So you get the slaw. You have to know, right? You'll agonize over it if you missed out on really great slaw. So you try it. And here's what gets you. It LOOKS great. Slaw has that look. Sometimes if it's discolored a little you know it's just gonna be awful. But this slaw looks bright and fresh and vibrant and you think "oh man this slaw is gonna be soooo good." And then you taste it. And it's not good. But it's not awful. It's sub-par. Or is it? You have to taste it again to make sure. And it's still just not great. You're disappointed. You got your hopes up again and THE GODS OF SLAW SLAMMED THE DOOR ON YOU. DAMN IT ALL.

I hate it when my mom used to make slaw, and when she made it that afternoon to go with dinner, it was sub-par and I was all disappointed both because it's usually good AND I didn't even have a choice in the matter, but now I'm not getting dessert unless I finish this fucking crappy slaw. BUT THEN, the next day the slaw had aged a little, the juices and spices or whatever the hell else is in slaw had all mingled together a little more, done some sort of stupid cole slaw dance, and now suddenly her cole slaw is AWESOME. What the hell? I thought this slaw was terrible but now it's great? What's it gonna be tomorrow? I can't handle this!

Sub-par slaw messes with your mind, man. It's the most frustrating thing in life.

Why The Thong Inspired an Entire Culture

2009-11-06T15:56:00.007-05:00

Every once in a great, great while, a song comes along that is cut from a different cloth. It moves you. It takes over your spirit and inspires you to become a better person. It changes the way you think about your own life, your transgressions, your personal struggles, and even your mortality.

The great musicians of our generation literally changed history with their dulcet tones. Think of Mozart, a child prodigy who captivated an entire planet; some say he was the first to truly globalize our world.*

*(I should state clearly, for the record, I have never heard anyone say this, ever.)

With that came so many others. Beethoven, Vivaldi and Brahms did the same, though this conjecture is not at all limited either to past centuries or to classical musicians. In more recent times, Benny Goodman and Glenn Miller transcended life with their music, for songs that have withstood the test of time. The Beatles forever altered our musical history and became more than musicians but pop icons and historical figures. Michael Jackson's music became that with which an entire generation learned to see the world.

Few songs, save artists, could ever be included in this category. Sisqo is certainly one of them. Ooo, that dress so scandalous, he writes. How true. How poignant. Clearly, Mr. Sisqo means to comment on the evolution of women's sexuality. Dare he be so bold as to project that a woman's attire in this day and age is a result of an era of sexual freedom? It is, clearly, an indication that the advances in our treatment of women across this great nation - and in some cases, the world - have led women to feel more comfortable in their own sexuality. They feel as though they can wear the scandalous dress in question comfortably and without fear of prejudice.

But Mr. Sisqo doth not end there. Oh no. There's more. "I swear another n***a can't handle it." Yes. He speaks from the heart, ladies and gentlemen. The advances of our treatment of women have empowered them, yes; but in much the same way, it has weakened our men, who have spent decades objectifying women. We men cannot handle this newfound revolution. It makes us weak, for though we do not profess to have so many inherent weaknesses, we certainly "cannot handle" the juxtaposition between respecting our women and having them taunt us with their scandalous dresses. And what's more, these women dare to flaunt it, "shakin that thang like who's da ish/ with a look in ya eye, so devilish"

Notice the placement of the word "devilish." The biblical reference herein is not to be mistaken for common slang. Consider Isaiah 14:12, "How art thou fallen from Heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which I didst weaken the nations!" Mr. Sisqo infers that women have weakened our nation. How thoughtful and wise.

It would be rather crude of me to infer that I fully understand all of what the great and wise Mr. Sisqo really meant by all of this. Much in the same way that a classic piece of music has layers, Mr. Sisqo surely didn't mean for his song to be politicized or cast about as a metaphor for our very existence, even if such a comparison is so apt. But if I may conclude with a final summarization of the inherent meaning behind Mr. Sisqo's true feelings on the state of our generation, he concludes each verse with a simple command, "Let me see that thong." It would be unfortunate to miss the true value of such a statement. Mr. Sisqo does not condemn these women for their flaunting. He instead blames the men for their inherent failure to adapt to the changes in our society. For men to truly be equal with women, they must not see women as sexual objects but rather be able to withstand their own personal urges in an attempt to create a more understanding culture in which men and women can express themselves in a suitable manner, devoid of a dominance of one sex over another based on latent physical attraction.

Years from now, when we look back on this man, and this song, which spawned generations of more mutual understanding of our own faults, we will see Mr. Sisqo's work not as a simple pop fad or a passing single in the lexicon of culture that is defined by Top 40 music. Instead, we will understand the greater meaning of a song that brought us together as human beings. It is indeed a song we'll find withstood the test of time and became a beacon of light for our culture.

Each Coast Bias reborn

2009-11-05T11:21:00.004-05:00

A few days ago, I found myself in an argument with my girlfriend's crazy aunt.

I know what you're thinking. "But ECB, this is the interwebs! If you call your girlfriend's aunt crazy, she can read about it and come find you in the middle of the night and remove your spleen while you're asleep because she's all crazy and such!" And you would be correct. This is the interwebs and I guess this is public knowledge now. My girlfriend's aunt is crazy. Well, really all of her aunts are crazy. But this one (I'm not naming names, but at this point anyone who knows her family knows who I'm talking about) is C-R-A-double Z-Y. Yeah, double Z.

Anyway the argument started like this. Her Facebook status message was something like "I hate it when people incorrectly say 'Town SelectMAN.' What is this, the 1950s?"

At some point here, I was faced with a dilemma. Oh sure, I could have ignored it. But let's pretend for the sake of this argument that ignoring it wasn't an option. Because in that moment, for me, it wasn't an option. I don't know why. These things just happen sometimes. Anyway, let's say I had to do something about it. And let's say my doing something about it involved me replying to this comment and (correctly) stating that the term selectMAN does not in any way infer that only men are allowed to inhabit that position and that is a common colloquial phrase (and let's say I actually used the word colloquial because I'm sweet like that).

And then, oh, just for kicks, we'll say that the crazy aunt's hyper-liberal kool-aid drinkers came out in droves, chastising me for such a ludicrous proposition. And oh would they be right. Silly me for thinking that if we call someone a defenseman in hockey, even if the player in question is a girl, that it is degrading to her and we should change the term to "defenseperson." Yeah I'll be writing that in all of my sports copy this week. Hooray for gender neutrality, or something.

You know how sometimes, in life, something happens and you just take it in, all the while something inside of you is screaming "GOD THAT IS SO UNBELIEVABLY WRONG!" but you can't quite figure out how to best phrase it? Man I hate that. So I fired up the ol' blog again. This used to be a place for three crazy kids to post junk about sports. Rest assured there will still be some (a LOT) of sports here. But why limit it? Hey, let's just post some crap and see what sticks. No more daily updates, morning Ketchup, headlines - if I have a reader out there in the universe, he knows where to get this elsewhere. This is a voice. It's sort of my voice. Sort of the voice of others. It's just a voice. And maybe it'll be a chance to keep myself out of trouble with the girl's crazy aunts. We can think big here.

Ooo, that reminds me of a song.